I suppose I ought to introduce you to the personae in this horrible place. So far I have introduced you to Mr and Mrs Half Arse Houlihan, the Entire Arse and I have referred to several others. The first genuine Arse to appear as such was a character parachuted in from an adjoining town. His arrival was met with the distribution to about 50% of his new colleagues of an informative text from a seemingly aggrieved but possibly concerned and well-meaning former colleague of his. The fanfare which greeted the arrival of Ramsarse, as he was known, was one of the funniest things I witnessed in The Toilet. I will try to include the full text of the Ramsarse 'denunciation' here soon.
Opinion on Ramsarse and the contribution he made to The Toilet is divided. My opinion is that he was a self-interested timeserver, who showed no leadership and let the ascendant Arses have too much power and influence to the detriment of the development of the enterprise. Although he occupied a large office, there was nothing in it of his which indicated that he would be around for long. As soon as an opportunity arose to feather his nest again further, by taking yet another redundancy package, he would. And he did. And he completed a number of personal projects in the meantime, none of which had anything to do with his senior management position and his leadership role. However, maybe I am being too harsh on him and his kind. Maybe an organization such as The Toilet is all about dysfunction and perversion, of promoting self-interest over collegiality, of shafting colleagues as often as can be done, of racing to the bottom and being content to stay there. In my early days there 'Fuck You' was suggested as the organization's motto.
Sad stuff. But back to another of the characters. Entire Arse in his non-senior days was fleetingly referred to as Diarrhoea Dick, so called because invariably on his return from his half-a-dozen or so holidays in the sun each year, he would phone in sick with a stomach upset. And it wasn't just after holidays, it was a very common occurrence. Clearly he has a health issue with eating, but I never witnessed him stuffing himself, so to speak. On a few occasions when we arrive at the rail station on our way to work, he usually breaks away before we enter our place of work and says that we'll meet later. I interpret these intervals as occasions on which he ingests huge amounts of food to see him through the day. I have never witnessed such behaviour however. Who knows, maybe it is his fix time with some addictive or recreational substance? Maybe he's just having a smoke.